discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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