in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
