Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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