at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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