What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
