Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
