My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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