I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
