i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
