well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
