I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
