She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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