i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
