i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
