That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
