I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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