no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize