Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
