You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
