Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
