There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I haven't been this sober since birth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
