Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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