Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
