I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
