Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
