People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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