This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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