I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
