god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
"it" just moved
I will die if light touches me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
