areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
