I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
