DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
