Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
