I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
