i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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