If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
