i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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