BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
