I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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