Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
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based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders