the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he just fucked me for my cheese..