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I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Mom said you looked used
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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