i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
