I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.