I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
