U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am spending my child support on dildos
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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