you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
