and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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