Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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