Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
