Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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