So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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