my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
