I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
