i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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