I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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