I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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