just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
