he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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