This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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