my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
