I just made out with a guy for $7.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
