So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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