I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
