i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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