dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
