i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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