so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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