Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
false alarm. still invincible.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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