I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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