mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
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