I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
