if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
