His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
