Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
