the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
