Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
