OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
