It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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