So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
