I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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