Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
