i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
