Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
