his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
