Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
