you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
