I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
